Turning 50 is the best thing on earth!

On January 24th of this year, I turned 50. There is something about turning 50 that makes you feel so much more empowered in life. I'm not certain of why this is the case, but, I feel so much more self assured, in control of life & more comfortable in my own skin. I also feel more like speaking my mind even if it bothers people that I do it.

In the last 3 years, I've lost the daughter I raised since she was age 5. It's been a very rough road for me and I had to mourn the relationship in the way one would mourn a death. It's been one of the most difficult things in my life. After almost 3 years of suffering so greatly....I let it go, and, let go of her. I realize, finally, that I am worth so much more than this. I AM a wonderful person. A lot of people see this about me, but, there's something about your child disowning you that makes you feel worthless. If your child doesn't want to be with you, who would? I felt that nobody would find me worthy of their love. I realize that I am "only" the stepmom, but, I was the one there when her own mother was a lousy "real" mother.

For my birthday, we went to Disneyland to celebrate. It was my dream for a long, long time to spend my 50th at my happy place. To have Mark there with me was the most amazing thing on earth. I'd originally planned to go with friends, but, having the love of my life with me was the best. We spent a week wandering around southern California. We spent a day in Laguna Beach, which was incredible. We spent a day in Los Angeles, at Olvera Street, with my cousin Jennifer. She & I have recently reconnected and having her in my life again fills an empty spot that was left in the years when we lost touch. The days at Disneyland were so heaven. It was the most relaxed trip to Disneyland that we'd ever taken. I wasn't so focused on being sure that I got on every single ride, but, instead...we took it all in and enjoyed every moment. The week was incredible.

It was amazing how many cards & gifts I received for my 50th. One of Mark's cousins that I had recently met even sent me $50.00! It seems that when you turn 50....everyone makes you feel very special. I love my birthday. It may seem childish that I feel this way, but, I always love MY day. My daughter used to make my birthdays very special and I've missed it, but, this year...I enjoyed my birthday with no children....just me and my hubby.

I'm jumping around here, but, it feels good to express how great it feels to have turned 50. To have avoided any serious illness in life thus far. To have a man in my life for 25 years. To have family and friends who love me. These are the greatest gifts of all when turning 50. To know that you have love. Not stuff, but, people who offer support, unconditional love & caring during the rough times.

50....I'm really enjoying you so far.